Why Young People Need Support That Looks Different Than Adult Grief Support

Grief in children and adolescents is often misunderstood because it rarely looks the way adults expect it to look. Research in child development, attachment, and trauma-informed care consistently shows that young people experience grief differently than adults due to ongoing neurological, emotional, cognitive, and social development.

While some grieving children appear visibly sad, others may become irritable, withdrawn, anxious, clingy, distracted, perfectionistic, emotionally numb, or behaviorally dysregulated. Some children revisit grief repeatedly over time as they grow and gain a deeper understanding of loss at different developmental stages.

In other words, children do not simply “get over” grief. They grow around it.

Grief Often Shows Up Through Behavior

One of the most important things adults can understand is that grief is not always verbal. Many children communicate distress through behavior long before they have the language to explain what they are feeling internally.

A grieving child may:

• Have more meltdowns or emotional outbursts

• Become quieter or more withdrawn

• Complain of headaches or stomachaches

• Struggle with concentration or schoolwork

• Become more anxious about separation or safety

• Regress developmentally

• Ask repetitive questions

• Move quickly between sadness and play

For teens, grief may appear through:

• Irritability or anger

• Increased isolation

• Difficulty sleeping

• Loss of motivation

• Emotional numbness

• Academic decline

• Risk-taking behaviors

• Feeling disconnected from peers

These reactions are not signs that a child is “bad,” manipulative, or failing to cope correctly. Often, they are signs that the child’s nervous system is trying to manage something emotionally overwhelming.

Young Children Need Different Types of Support

Preschool and Kindergarten-aged children process grief very differently than older children and adults. Because they are still developing emotional language, abstract thinking, and self-regulation skills, they often communicate grief through:

• Play

• Drawing

• Movement

• Repetition

• Storytelling

• Sensory experiences

• Changes in behavior

This is why play-based, relationship-centered, and creative interventions are often far more effective than expecting young children to sit and verbally process feelings in traditional ways.

For pre-literate children especially, emotional expression may happen through:

• Choosing feeling faces

• Scribbling or drawing

• Puppet play

• Pretend scenarios

• Sorting visuals

• Memory activities

• Sensory and movement-based coping activities

When adults slow down, follow the child’s lead, and prioritize connection over performance, children are often able to express much more than we initially realize.

What Children Need Most During Grief

Children do not need adults to have perfect answers.

What they need most are emotionally safe relationships.

Research consistently shows that supportive, regulated, emotionally available adults play a critical role in helping children navigate grief and loss. Children benefit from adults who:

• Stay calm during big emotions

• Listen without rushing to fix feelings

• Use honest, developmentally appropriate language

• Normalize changing emotions

• Maintain predictable routines when possible

• Allow grief to be revisited over time

• Create opportunities for connection, expression, and regulation

Sometimes the most healing moments are surprisingly simple:

• Reading a story together

• Drawing memories

• Taking a walk

• Talking in the car

• Sitting quietly beside a child during hard feelings

• Allowing tears, questions, and laughter to coexist

Grief support is often less about “saying the perfect thing” and more about helping children feel safe enough to experience what they are carrying.

Introducing Our New Helping Grieving Kids & Teens Resource Collection

To help support children, teens, caregivers, educators, and helping professionals, we recently created the Helping Grieving Kids & Teens Resource Collection.

This printable toolkit was designed to blend developmentally informed grief education with emotionally supportive, child-friendly activities and handouts.

The collection includes:

• An “8 Ways to Manage Grief Reactions” handout

• Eight accompanying grief worksheets for children and teens

• Parent guidance handouts

• Educator and classroom support resources

• A developmental guide explaining grief responses by age

• Adaptations for preschool and Kindergarten-aged children who are pre-literate or pre-writers

• Creative play-based grief intervention ideas for early childhood

The materials are visually engaging, trauma-informed, attachment-aware, and designed to support emotional expression, regulation, connection, and understanding.

Whether used in therapy, schools, grief groups, or at home, the goal is simple: helping grieving children feel less alone while giving adults practical, compassionate ways to support them.

This product will be 50% off until Friday, May 15th @2pm EDT. Find it HERE!

References

American Academy of Pediatrics. (2024). Supporting grieving children and adolescents. Pediatrics, 153(2), e2023064987.

Bergman, A. S., Axberg, U., & Hanson, E. (2020). When a parent dies: A systematic review of the effects of support programs for parentally bereaved children and their caregivers. BMC Palliative Care, 19(1), 39.

Kaplow, J. B., Layne, C. M., Saltzman, W. R., Cozza, S. J., & Pynoos, R. S. (2021). Using multidimensional grief theory to understand bereavement in children and adolescents. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 24(2), 215–248.

Schonfeld, D. J., & Demaria, T. (2023). Supporting grieving students in educational settings. School Psychology International, 44(1), 3–18.

Worden, J. W. (2018). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner (5th ed.). Springer Publishing Company.