Why Naming Feelings Matters So Much

Big Emotions

Young children experience big emotions all day long...joy, anger, worry, jealousy, excitement...but those feelings can feel confusing or overwhelming when they don’t yet have the language to describe what’s going on inside. Identifying feelings in oneself simply means being able to notice, “I feel mad,” “I’m nervous,” or “I feel left out,” and to connect those emotions to body sensations and situations.

Research shows that when caregivers and educators use clear emotion words and help children notice and name what they feel, kids become better at organizing and understanding emotions. Studies of preschoolers find that hearing emotion labels (like “sad,” “frustrated,” or “proud”) helps children sort facial expressions into meaningful categories and build more accurate emotion concepts over time. PMC+1

It's one of the reasons we've spent decades designing activities and resources to help parents, educators and other clinicians support kids in this process.

Emotion Words as a Pathway to Social-Emotional Learning

Social-emotional learning (SEL) is often described in terms of five key areas: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making. Identifying one’s own feelings sits right at the beginning of that chain.

Recent work highlights that emotion and mental-state language—words like sad, worried, excited, hopeful—used in everyday conversations is a powerful driver of early SEL. When adults consistently talk about feelings (their own and children’s), they give kids a kind of “map” of the inner world, which helps them understand themselves and others and sets the stage for empathy and problem-solving. ScienceDirect+1

From Naming Emotions to Better Behavior and Learning

Emotion knowledge (recognizing, labeling, and understanding feelings) isn’t just a “soft skill.” Large studies of preschool children have found that higher emotion knowledge is linked with better social behavior and stronger academic performance—even in areas like early math. Nature+1

Similarly, classroom-based SEL programs that explicitly teach children about feelings and coping skills have been shown to reduce problem behaviors and support healthier adjustment at school. Integrating SEL into everyday routines in early childhood can boost social skills, emotional regulation, and long-term psychological health. BioMed Central+1

In other words, when children can identify what they feel, they are better able to pause, choose a strategy (take a breath, ask for help, use kind words), and stay engaged in learning and play.

When Kids Don’t Have Words for Feelings

On the other side of the spectrum is alexithymia—a pattern of difficulty identifying and describing feelings. Recent research in children, teens, and adults shows that alexithymia is linked with greater risk for anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns, largely because it makes healthy emotion regulation harder. PMC+1

Studies also suggest that alexithymia can mediate the relationship between early adversity and later emotional or behavioral problems. In other words, when children who have experienced stress or maltreatment also struggle to recognize their feelings, they may be more vulnerable to internalizing (e.g., anxiety, depression) or externalizing (e.g., aggression) difficulties. Nature+1

This doesn’t mean every child who has trouble naming emotions will develop a mental health disorder, but it underscores why building emotional vocabulary and self-awareness early is such a protective factor.

How Adults Can Support Children in Identifying Feelings

The good news: everyday interactions are powerful. Caregivers and educators can help children build this foundational skill by:

• Modeling emotion words: “I feel disappointed that our picnic is rained out, but I’m also relieved we can stay cozy inside.”

• Narrating children’s feelings with care: “You look frustrated that the blocks fell over. You worked so hard on that tower.” Virtual Lab School+1

• Using visual supports like feelings charts, stories, or characters to make emotions concrete.

• Connecting feelings to body cues and situations: “Your tummy feels wiggly because you’re nervous about the performance,” or “Your heart feels warm because you’re proud of what you drew.”

• Practicing simple regulation strategies once a feeling is named—deep breathing, movement breaks, sensory tools, or asking for help.

When adults do this consistently, children slowly learn that feelings are information, not something to fear or be ashamed of. That mindset becomes the foundation for healthy coping, stronger relationships, and more confident learners.

References (APA 7th)

Bell, C., Bierstedt, L., Hu, T. A., Ogren, M., Reider, L. B., & LoBue, V. (2024). Learning through language: The importance of emotion and mental state language for children’s social and emotional learning. Social and Emotional Learning. ScienceDirect+1

Cavadini, T., Richard, S., Dalla-Libera, N., & Gentaz, E. (2021). Emotion knowledge, social behaviour and locomotor activity predict the mathematic performance in 706 preschool children. Scientific Reports, 11. Nature+1

Hamel, C., Rodrigue, C., Clermont, C., Hébert, M., Paquette, L., & Dion, J. (2024). Alexithymia as a mediator of the associations between child maltreatment and internalizing and externalizing behaviors in adolescence. Scientific Reports, 14, 8786. Nature+1

Hosokawa, R., & Matsumoto, Y. (2024). Enhancing social-emotional skills in early childhood: Intervention study on the effectiveness of social and emotional learning. BMC Psychology, 12. BioMed Central+1

Price, G. F., Ogren, M., & Sandhofer, C. M. (2022). Sorting out emotions: How labels influence emotion categorization. Developmental Psychology, 58(9), 1665–1675. PMC+1

Speidel, R., Wong, T. K., Al-Janaideh, R., Colasante, T., & Malti, T. (2023). Nurturing child social-emotional development: Evaluation of a pre-post and 2-month follow-up uncontrolled pilot training for caregivers and educators. Pilot and Feasibility Studies, 9(1), 148. BioMed Central+1

Tsubaki, K., Yano, K., Yasumoto, S., & Tanaka, M. (2024). Psychological treatments for alexithymia: A systematic review. Behavioral Sciences, 14(12), 1173. MDPI

Brett, J. D., & Zarei, M. (2025). How alexithymia increases mental health symptoms in adolescence: Longitudinal evidence for the mediating role of emotion regulation. Current Psychology. SpringerLink+1

Until next time,

Wendy Young, LMSW, BCD, is  the founder of Kidlutions and co-author of BLOOM: 50 Things to Say, Think and Do with Anxious, Angry and Over-the-Top Kids, co-creator of BLOOM Brainsmarts, and creator of The Joyful Parent. She is the author of numerous workbooks and resources to help from the preschool through the teen years. 

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